I don’t really make new year’s resolutions, largely because I don’t quite see the logic in setting myself up for failure: as someone with little willpower, the whole “must eat healthily, must get fit, must lose a stone, must join a gym” thing always ends badly. But at this time of year I do have a tendency to drown in the mean reds as I look back over all the things I mishandled over the last year. And I know that the only way to fix things as they stand just now is to attempt to do better from hereonin.
So, this year I will not allow myself to get quite so run down. This is on its way to being fixed already, what with my no longer working 6 days a week, and working from home one of the 5 office days too. It is about to be remedied further as the boss-lady has just orderded a shiny new laptop for me, which will better enable me to utilse any necessary train commutes – a definite bonus!
But I need to make a few changes here myself too, most notably through better time management. I will begin to go to bed at a far more reasonable hour – yes, I have proved that I can “function” on 4-5 hours sleep a night, but man is it not worth it! And the word “function” here is used in the loosest of senses – I can do my job, fulfill my duties, but nowhere near to the best of my abilities. That’s gotta change.
So, yes, bedtimes, and me-time and time-management – can you spot the theme yet?
Finally, and also time-related, I’m going to put in real effort to make time for those who are important to me. This year has been a really tough one – between the new job (can you believe I started a year ago this week?), the new commute, the new routine, and a new relationship, something was bound to slip, and that something has been my friends and family. In trying to find a balance between giving too much of myself to the extent of exhaustion and adopting a more selfish attitude to ensure my own happiness, I have tipped too far into selfish behaviour and left people feeling unimportant, left-out, even unloved. This was never my intention. A part of me knows that they do understand – that new routines and new relationships need both time and attention to stabilise and settle – but part of me also knows that they don’t have to stick around and wait for me to thrash my way back into the balance. Certain elements of my life will contniue to take priority just now, but I will do my best to ensure that this is not to the detriment of those around me. This year I will strive to be a better sister, daughter, aunty and friend.