You’re never too fat for a new pair of heels…

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Or so the shoe designers would have you believe! But I’d like to challenge this myth, with all my current 14 stone might…

This is not a post about fat feet or ankles. It is not a post about how ankle straps cut you off to make you look dumpier. This is a post about weight, and how it affects your ability (or should that be my ability?) to walk tall in high heels.

At my current 14 stone (I’m going to keep writing it down until my brain takes it in and I stop denying the truth of the matter) I find it really difficult to walk any distance in high heels. To begin with, my centre of gravity is all wrong. Shoes I could practically run in two years ago now leave me stumbling sideways, backwards, head-first – which ever way momentum sends me at the time. Over the past couple of months I have twice fallen on the walk from the office to Euston station whilst wearing flats – goodness knows how often I’d have fallen if I didn’t always bring my boots with me for walking! I can only assume that this is because of my sizeable rear (that old chestnut!) and new ample bosom – where one decides to lead, the rest of me is forced to follow!

And then there’s the balls of my feet to consider. It is undeniable that, the lighter the lady, the less pain she will suffer in the balls of her feet when wearing high-heeled shoes. It’s simple physics – in heels, the weight that would otherwise be distributed over the entire foot is redistributed through those painful pressure points. Yes, a well engineered shoe should allow for some weight through the heel, but most affordable shoes are not “engineered” so much as mass-produced. If you want engineering, you’ve gotta pay for it!

So, right now I do indeed find myself too fat for a new pair of heels – or, indeed, an old, much-loved pair! Which is why, in my old faithful burgundies here at least, my feet never touched the London ground.

Now handbags, they’re a different matter…

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