Controversy
Posted by: Caroline on: July 9, 2009
I do love a good debate – and it seems Committed may have sparked some debate in the blogosphere! So if you haven’t already, please do drop by and leave me a comment – it’s always interesting to hear perspectives I haven’t considered.
Do bear in mind that a lot of what I write is written with tongue firmly in cheek, though, and also, that if your comments are purely abusive and expletive-heavy I simply won’t publish them! 
Cardi, vest and shoes: Primark; skirt: charity shop
I don’t know why I look so miserable – I really wasn’t! But the dent to my right eyebrow is showing, so I guess something was bothering me…
UPDATE: Following a request from katieohkatie, here’s a close-up of the pattern on the skirt. It’s all pretty and girly and stuff!
Committed
Posted by: Caroline on: July 9, 2009
- In: Irks| Jabber
- 12 Comments
Talking to a couple of friends online last night I had an epiphany. Neither of the lovely ladies was particularly happy, and the root of both their unhappiness was, typically, a man. To clarify, these are two very beautiful, very intelligent, funny, independent women. The menfolk in their lives were screwing them around, making things unclear and more complicated than necessary, and generally acting like eejits.
I know that this is not relationship behaviour particular to a specific age group, but looking at my friends, male and female, there seem to be a lot more minefields in the long-term relationship field within my peers than there were, say, for our parents. Over the last 20 months I have heard more tales of ended longterm love affairs and jilted brides than had I read Harlequin’s entire back catalogue (yes, I exaggerate – it’s my job!)! I cannot speak for the rest of the world, but Britain appears to have bred a generation of men who cannot committ.
And it isn’t their fault!
I say that we have bred these menfolk, because that’s the truth. We nurture the bigger, better, faster stronger myth – we serve everything in bite-size chunks, whether it’s TV shows broken down for advertising or the advertising itself, the micro-bite news-sharing of twitter or KFC popcorn chicken! We preach that nothing sticks – and nothing is worth sticking for – we’re always moving on to the Next Big Thing.
And thanks to this faster-than-a-speeding-bullet culture, everything is given a shelf life. Install Firefox more than six months ago? Bah – you need v3.5! New iPhone for Christmas? Please, let us upgrade you! Women in the media are nipped and tucked, paid to lose or gain weight at the drop of a hat (who could forget the rumours of the female cast of Ally MacBeal being told to lose weight to make Calista look less skinny?), airbrushed and slimmed down to within a hair’s breadth of reality – all of which leads men to believe that “perfection” does actually exist. We sit back in our Bridget Jones big knickers and miracle suits and laugh smugly at previous generations who altered the perception of their true shape through whalebone corsets, hoops and bustles, never even recognising our own hyopcrisy. Men have been trading their women in for younger models for centuries (I’m looking at you Henry VIIIth!), but in a post-feminist generation we’re moving away from the blame game and back towards accepting it. Something about that doesn’t quite fly…
Maybe it’s evolution. Maybe we’re evolving in the direction of so many in the animal kingdom, where the male roams free, sowing his wild oats, while the females collectively raise their young. It works for lions…
But I can’t help but wonder whether it’s coincidence that this generation of non-committal men happens to arrive in conjunction with the first lab production of human sperm. I understand that this experimentation is an exercise in overcoming infertility and NOT a question of “producing human life in a dish” – but that doesn’t mean the possibilities aren’t there. There’s something dreadfully masculine dystopic about the whole set-up…
So, I’ve been wondering whether it isn’t about time we let the lads loose – turned them back to the wild and let them go do their hunting, gathering and sowing. In many ways, we’ve emasculated them enough – by coming out of the kitchen and stepping all over their hob-nail-booted toes (it’s hardly their fault if their pretty little footsies aren’t as tough as we thought they were!), as well as by scientifically rendering their very being obsolete. Turn ‘em loose, I say – they get their way, and I’m sure we could find a way to get ours when necessary, what with the roaming oat-sowing and all!
(To clarify, as I type this I’m seeing some sort of Jurassic Park type set up with electric fences and on-site Doctors and man-specialists to keep an eye on of the well-being and fertility of our “free-roaming” captives… naturally without the unexpectedly deadly turn of events requisite to Crichton’s thrillers.)
Meanwhile, we could place the emphasis firmly back on the most important relationships in our lives – our families, yes, and especially our girl friends. Afterall, they’re the ones who are with us through thick and thin. Somewhere along the way we’ve lost a simple truth: men come and go, but girlfriends last a lifetime. It’s time we re-realised that fact.
Secondhand shadows
Posted by: Caroline on: July 8, 2009
While browsing the google results for secondhand shopper (I like to see where I’m ranking! ) I came across Conscious Consumerism, a 2005 (I think) study into why some people prefer secondhand goods to new. One of the often quoted sales points about secondhand goods seems to be that they have a history to them, a story that appeals to the romantic shopper. Conscience Consumerism linked this to Walter Benjamin’s commentary on the links between an artist’s original and a painting’s aura – the reason that the original Mona Lisa is so superior to a print, for example. It seems Benjamin felt that inanimate objects have an aura that reflects their relationship to their creator, and their authenticity.
This idea of an object’s aura actually makes sense to me. Because, in the same way that well-loved objects have an attractive warmth to them, I believe they can leave a shadow behind them. In my ex’s house, in our second year at uni, there was a spot on the landing where I walked around a piece of furniture. I wasn’t the only one – several other people had the same experience as I did in the exact same spot. Thing is, there was nothing there. I don’t know whether there’s some invisible fading to the wallpaper or undecipherable denting to the carpet that the naked eye doesn’t pick up but our brain still registers – but I studied that spot, and it was always as if it was slightly obscured, like something had left its imprint behind. I think this is an extension of the aura Benjamin introduces.
And this is exactly why I’d rather have an old sofa with slightly sagging seats that feels as if it’s hugging you than a brand new, MFI, four-years-interest-free beige minimalist sofa-bed with rock-hard arms. Or a tarnished gold brooch with slightly discoloured pearls than a brand new white gold number from H Samuel. I want the originality, the authenticity and the aura!
********
Dress and top: charity shops; shoes: M&S; alice band: New Look
Decadence
Posted by: Caroline on: July 8, 2009
- In: Couture| Dressing Up
- 2 Comments
Think carefully about the trends of the last few seasons. We’ve had maxi lengths sweeping their way into summer and creeping their way into winter looks. We’ve seen the waist “return” (I had wondered where mine had gone!), with the 40s look reigning supreme and tuxes and tail coats jostling for our attention. Gothic black has been glamourised with embellishments in the form of sequins, beading, feathers and lace, and big satin bows have adorned fuller, more textured hair. Capelets and shrugs have evolved into capes and shawls.
Add to this some key pieces from the coming AW catwalks – broad shoulders (all the better to emphasise that waist!), small autumnal hats that perch atop soft, dishevelled up-styles, and the lace-up ankle boot, and this winter’s direction becomes very clear.
Still I didn’t fully appreciate where we were heading until, flicking through Elle last night, I came across this Chanel advert:
I love the mix of full-length skirt with latter century (and typically Chanel) tweed jackets, the chiffon overlay to soften and romanticise a hard edge, and the (barely seen) pork-pie-esque hats to modernise the look. These elements add up to an undoubtedly new styling, but the silhouette remains unarguably Victorian.
Of course, the look is very era specific. With none of the hoops of the early- or bustles of the mid-Victorian era, it’s all about turn of the century decadence, a slightly less-structured yet more elaborately embellished style, dark, rich tones and layers both suited to colder months. I imagine street style will lift elements of the whole, mix-and-matching heavy full-length skirts with crisp officewear shirts or 40s tweed jackets as seen here, or combining a full gothic, corseted and embellished tailcoat with a shorter-length skirt and ankle boots, not unlike last AW’s Luella. Personally, I’ll certainly be running up a wool maxi skirt, most likely in a nice charcoal grey wool, before winter rolls around…
I’ve also been contemplating a trip home to pull out my old seaman’s trunk and unpack some of my Mum’s 70s maxi dresses. Most are real hippy floral numbers, but a couple follow that Laura Ashley Victoriana trend, featuring high collars and lace bibs. I’ve only worn one, once, to a halloween party as a Victorian ghost, but these things are often all about the accessories. I reckon as long as I don’t flour my face, smudge out my eyes, back-comb my hair and carry a candlestick this time no-one will get too scared…
Layer cake
Posted by: Caroline on: July 7, 2009
It’s been cooler today. Actually, it’s been miserable today. I stepped outside this morning with my umbrella in hand and thought “Oh, it’s not that damp! What a pleasant surprise!” And seconds later, quite rightly in face of my smugness, the heavens opened.
I ended up walking most of the way to work barefoot. My masterplan of wearing jelly shoes to save anything less than waterproof from getting wet backfired rather as my feet got increasingly slippery… and I soon tired of leaving a shoe behind with every other step! By the time I arrived at work everything from the waist down was dripping. Thanks to the pointy hem on my skirt I left pretty little puddle-patterns everywhere I walked. See, even when I’m making a mess I try to do so aesthetically!
Cami: charity shop; shrug: George; skirt: Reiss; dress: Oasis;
jelly shoes: Primark
I was very grateful that, although there was a downpour 30 mins before I left and 20 mins after I got home, my walk back from work stayed dry. My feet may have splashed in a couple of puddles on the way… but that may just have been deliberate! 
Why Chicks Cry
Posted by: Caroline on: July 7, 2009
- In: Jabber
- 2 Comments
I had to share this – it had me sniggering out loud at my desk yesterday afternoon. Luckily there’s only Clare in to comment, and once I’d reassured her I wasn’t laughing at anything she’d said or done I was free to snort uncontrollably to my heart’s content! Enjoy!
Monday Blues
Posted by: Caroline on: July 6, 2009
Can’t stop – Captain Jack demands my full attention! But here’s a quick outfit shot to follow today’s soapbox essay!
Sad day at work today – our first without the lads! So blue seemed relevant:
Top and belt: charity shops; skirt: George;
shoes from charity shop, bows added by me
Celebrity Skin
Posted by: Caroline on: July 6, 2009
- In: Jabber
- 6 Comments
I’m not much of one for celebrity gossip. I don’t read celeb mags, don’t care about Kerry’s rehab, or Ashley’s affairs – I’m only really interested in what the ladies are rocking up the red carpet! Yet bobbing around the lifestyle section on Times Online today I was drawn into this “BrangJen” feature – I guess my inner nosiness sometimes takes over. And it riled me.
“…it’s about a girl like us (who got the fairy tale), the bad-girl man-eater (who took the fairy tale away) and the guy in the middle who doesn’t know what he wants — and we all have a vested interest in finding out how it ends.”
Apparently, Jen is the girl’s girl – still seen to the masses as “Rachel from Friends”, every gal’s dream bezzie mate, sweet, innocent, approachable and adorable. I have no problem as such with this – personally I never warmed much to her (Phoebs was my gal!), but I have no beef with her either! And Angelina is the man-eating vamp, the guy’s gal that every man wants to be with, who doesn’t have girlfriends or sit around painting her toenails over a glass of wine, but is the ready packaged sex goddess. I have no problem with this either in theory – at least, not the goddess element – though I don’t like to pass judgement over someone severely enough to make the assumption that because she is overtly sexualised she must therefore be friendless. The implication is essentially that by being attractive as opposed to adorable, sexy as opposed to cute, she is betraying the sisterhood.
“This story runs and runs because it’s become about the war between two kinds of femininity — the girl’s girl and the man’s woman — and which one comes out on top in the end.”
Having neatly boxed off the main characters, the article’s main sway seems to be deliberating over who will come out “on top” – will lovely Jen or evil Angelina turn out to be the woman of Brad’s dreams? Does he want stability and intimacy or, well, the usually-pixelated fantasy of the modern era? And apparently, the answer to this little triangle will offer the answer to the question that has plagued women for centuries – what do men really want?
No pressure, Brad!
I recently read an article (which I now cannot find for the life of me, though I’ve found a similar article on the study on Science Blog) about research into what heterosexual men and women want from their partners. Part of the research involved showing images of the opposite sex and rating their physical attractiveness.
“Men’s judgments of women’s attractiveness were based primarily around physical features and they rated highly those who looked thin and seductive… As a group, the women… disagreed on how attractive many men in the study were. Some women gave high attractiveness ratings to the men other women said were not attractive at all.”
The outcome of the research was really quite simple. Men: you can’t apply logic to this one (unless it’s female logic, natch!) – in essence there is no formulaic answer. You can’t win… or alternatively, every one of you can!
Meanwhile, men rated slim, “seductive-looking” women universally attractive, with a sliding scale favouring small waists, high cheekbones, plump lips and large eyes. So, ladies, I guess we at least have something to aim for! (And I believe it’s Scarlett Johansson! 
)
Being born within this ideal is not something women can help. Being slim is a choice, though as Sandra Bullock said in a recent InStyle interview, it’s also something a Hollywood actress is PAID to do. It helps if someone is actually providing the cash for an ex-marine to show up on your doorstep at 5am every morning!
Angelina Jolie has beautiful big pouty lips, high cheekbones and big eyes. She is not betraying womankind by NOT going under the knife to erase these features.
Every time we slate a woman for looking better than – sorry, DIFFERENT to us we betray ourselves. Every time we accuse someone of being a “man’s woman” or a “guy’s girl” with that jealous sneer we’re performing an injustice. To say that Jen’s triumph over Ange would be “a victory for good girls everywhere” (- and in which world, exactly, does a UN ambassador with armfuls of kids, who is an apparently decent mother with an eco-friendly outlook equal “bad”, by the way?) is simply inciting hatred and jealousy.
“Suddenly this has the potential to become a story of love and friendship triumphing over loins.”
Believe it or not, my biggest problem with this feature is not actually the streotypical portrayal of either woman in the saga. It’s not even the blind, sweeping suggestion that women fall into only one of these two camps, the cute or the sexy, the lady in the street or… well, you all know where that sentence is heading. It’s the fact that, in arguably the most difficult aspect of anyone’s life – family and relationships – we are actively hoping for one of these women to fail. We are pitching them against one another like dogs in a ring, waiting for one to tear the other’s throat out. And regardless of whether your money is riding on the bitch or the underdog, the wager itself is the greatest betrayal of all.
Fair weather
Posted by: Caroline on: July 5, 2009
Hey guys and dolls – remember me? I’ve been such a let down this week, I know. But between nights out, picnics and charity events I’ve been super busy and kinda exhausted. Still – lots of piccies for you today!
THURSDAY:
Cardi: George; skirt: charity shop; shoes: Dotty P’s
Thursday was warm and sunny and I needed a day-to-evening outfit as we were going out for drinks straight from work. Before we hit the pub (cracking night out, btw, ending with the most appalling pool playing you’ll ever see!) I swapped this cardi for my shrug:
I gave in to these shoes while trying to find some flipflops the other day. They’re Dorothy Perkins, were £12, and are extremely comfortable. Plus the ankle strap means that they don’t fall off my feet. I think they may prove to be favourites.
FRIDAY:
No pics – I was tired and rather late getting out of bed, so threw on my old favourite black and white skirt and a black cardi. The evening was spent relaxing in front of the telly/falling asleep to Pan’s Labyrinth.
SATURDAY:
Fantastic day! Despite the forecast the sun was shining and I was out in the early morning heat buying ingredients from the local shops. I made chocolate cupcakes filled with nutella, a few salmon and cream cheese and lots of cucumber sandwiches (with the crusts cut off, naturally!), a chickpea and tomato salad, and a bottle of homemade lemonade. And bought Pringles, of course!
We raised almost £50 for Macmillan Cancer Care (thanks to all my super-generous friends xx) and had a fun afternoon of sunshine and chatter. Then we retired to the pub – as you do!
Dress: Laura Ashley; sunglasses: charity shop; shoes: Topshop
After a gin and tonic on the way to the station with Cath I went back to Ben and Lauren’s where she cooked me curry, then did one of the sweetest, most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me…
I mentioned on here that my Tiffany’s in Newcastle was Popolos bar – where I could get a violet martini when I had the mean reds. I said I wanted to take her there some time. Knowing that I needed a pick-me-up she got in touch with Popolo’s, told them the situation, and asked for the recipe. She then ordered all the ingredients online so that she could mix me a violet martini whenever I needed one! Can you believe what a sweetheart she is? I feel so incredibly moved that someone would go to those extremes of effort for lil’ me! I just can’t put it into words. Thank you so much my lovely xxx
Lauren and Laura (in super-cute dresses)
Today Jess, Martin, Cal and Jackson the puppy came to visit and we went to the local play park for brunch – smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels, apple cubes, oatmeal cookies and leftover cakes.
It rained a very little bit, but we stuck it out and it passed. It was a lovely start to the day, and although the playpark was essentially to keep Cal (10) amused, Ben and Lauren also took their turn…
It has been a really lovely weekend. After how low I have felt the last couple of weeks it was just what I needed, and I have felt loved and appreciated and unbelievably lucky.
Thank you to all my lovely friends and family (and extended family, which is really how I see Lauren and Jess) xx
Timings
Posted by: Caroline on: July 1, 2009
Mine have been a little out this week, so apologies for the scarcity of posts. Still, I don’t have time to write much now either – I have managed to get my cake in the oven, but I still want to change the bed, get a load of washing through, have a nice cool shower (a bit of a nightly ritual this week) and do various webby chores! I’ve been kinda poor at keeping on top of things this week!
So, a couple of outfit posts, and my sincerest apologies!
MONDAY: Dress: George; shrug: Coast; shoes: Debenhams
Yes, my hair is wet – in this wonderful heat a dryer is simply not an option for me!
TUESDAY: Jacket: shortened dress from charity shop; skirt: gifted.
These are my lovely comfy “save-up” shoes, the same ones which broke unexpectedly on Saturday. Back then I superglued them back together, and on Monday night I checked the superglue would be safe for traipsing around the NEC at my conference on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I only checked the superglued bits – not the rest of the shoe… so halfway to the station yesterday they naturally broke again!
Again, I hobbled into the nearest corner shop and bought superglue. Only this time I stood barefoot by the side of the road, spilling superglue all over my fingers, the shoes and the top of the rubbish bin I was leaning on. They did stick, although I spent the entire day waiting for them to fall apart. More importantly, I think the commuters I was standing on the platform with thought I had some terrible skin disease, the way I was peeling great strips of glue off my palms…
Luckily the rest of the day went pretty darned well, and the conference (curriculum reform consultation, for my teachery friends to whom that might mean something!) was very interesting! It raised some interesting points, to say the least!
Ok, that’s 25 mins. Time to check the cake!
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